Up until a few years ago, I believed that I had been discovering myself. Since the age of twenty one, when I had almost died alone in a hospital room at Virginia Mason, I should have died. Figured fate had only been delayed slightly. My mission was finding myself, learning to understand who I am and who I want to be if given the chance to live. All along I thought I knew who I was and where I was going, in life. In reality I was seeking approval from others instead of listening to myself.
I was just gathering other's input on who they thought I was, how I should be and who I should become. These people I was seeking insight from didn't really know me at all. I never showed my "true colors" to anyone. And even if I had opened myself up, who were they to judge and decide what made me who I am? Most of them were random acquaintances who floated into and out of my life without so much as a snap of the finger, barely noticed. Especially not by my self-absorbed mind, too busy trying on different personas to pay attention to players exiting stage right.
Truth is no one outside of yourself can determine who you are and no one can tell you who you should be. Its not easy to get to know the true you, fear of what you might find will often delay your quest.
So many people go through life attempting to control every aspect of their day to day lives. They plan everything in their minds and expect their plans to become reality. They expect what they consider to be perfection. Even if they don't expect exact perfection, they do expect close to it. Through their predictions they are sure that events will go smoothly for them. Predicting every outcome so all will be right in their world!