Thursday, December 21, 2023

Child you left behind

Child You Left Behind


Oh, high and mighty, perched so falsely

Upon a throne of fabrications, so costly

In a mist of self-deceit, you dwell

Casting on me faults, in your own spell

Believing your own lies, a heart so cold

Aiming to taint mine, in the mold you hold

In despising others, you reveal your own plight

Mirroring the flaws in you, hidden from sight

Tearing me apart, is tearing at your core



Your life, a masquerade, seeking more and more

Craving attention, sympathy's deceitful queen

Manipulating your court, unseen and unclean

No longer shall I pity your twisted game

Your aim to ruin, in your quest for fame

I reject being your scapegoat in disdain

Refusing to partake in your deceptive chain

You've reaped what you sowed, in comfort you bask

Achieved through deception, behind a mask

Your judgmental gaze, cold and sharp

Nothing I do satisfies, nothing can warp

Constantly belittling, with a hidden envy

Seeking to lower me, to uplift thee

You call me crazy, perhaps it's true

A madness you sparked, in the shadows you brew

Abandoned in youth, a spectacle for show

Public affection, yet love, you never bestow

A child kept out of spite, yearning for your grace

Understanding now, it's a fruitless chase

Your indifference cuts deep, a forgotten seed

I'm the child you left behind, a heart left to bleed


By Stacy M Price

Published December 21, 2023

 

Saturday, October 15, 2022

My Father's Eulogy (A poem I wrote to start the eulogy)

Life is a puzzle. 
As we go on our journey, we collect pieces to later put together. 
Some pieces are people we love or places we've lived 
and others are events or experiences we've had along the way. 
Each and every little piece carves and shapes 
who we are and who we will become as a person. 
Each piece contributes to the whole picture. 
Slowly, as we collect each piece and find where it fits into our puzzle, 
the big picture starts to take shape and it all begins to make sense. 
When it's all put together, we feel complete. 
Our life has run its course and it's time to move on to a better place.
Sometimes, life is cut short and that person's puzzle is left unfinished. 
Despite that, they may have impacted many others and become a piece of their puzzles.  
Through the pieces they leave behind
those lost too soon, will live on. 
They will be remembered for what they shared with others
and the relationships they built. 
My father's puzzle was almost whole but
We will never know how it may have turned out
Life is a puzzle and sometimes it just can't be solved.

Sunday, June 14, 2020

Tuesday, March 3, 2020

Us Against The World

Online Dating Profiles:

What would you write (if you were completely honest and held nothing back) about who you are looking for?

I want to be with someone who:

  • Has compassion for others.
  • Doesn’t joke at my expense.
  • Loves me for me and doesn’t expect me to change.
  • Believes in me when I decide to better myself and helps me stay on track.
  • Is intelligent, can hold a serious conversation but also joke around with me.
  • Builds me up and makes me want to be a better person.
  • Communicates with me before something becomes a problem.
  • Works with me to accomplish mutual goals.
  • Likes the same things I do.
  • Respects my “me” time and interests they don’t share.
  • Loves the things I do for him because he knows that’s how I show I care.
  • Does little things to show me he cares and he listens.
  • Has self respect, is trusting and trustworthy.
  • I can be myself around and feels comfortable around me to be himself.
  • Will call me out on my own bullshit.
  • Sparks, I want Sparks!
  • Is a bit of a freak and can keep up with my over the top sex drive.
  • Wants me and touches me to show affection. Wants to give me a back rub after a long day.

Wednesday, February 6, 2019

Being a Substitute Paraeducator is not easy... Not even a little bit! It's very rewarding though and I have worked with a lot of really amazing kids!

You may be asking yourself, "What is a Paraeducator?"


We are basically a teaching aide for special education students.  They usually don't have a teaching certificate and are considered "classified staff".  They have experience working with people that have a disability and they have passed a Paraprofessional Assessment Test of knowledge required to teach students in Kindergarten thru 12th grade.

Here's a quick summary of what I do as a substitute Para:

Tuesday, January 1, 2019

New Year's Solution to Failed Resolutions

Every New Year's Eve resolutions are made by so many of us. We do so thinking we are bettering ourselves but we wind up damaging our self-esteem (among other things) when we fail to keep these resolutions.

Every single year you start out with the best intentions to make positive changes in your life by sticking to your resolutions.  For a while you are able to keep your self imposed strict rules but we all slip up.  We are only human.  Eventually, you fail again and again and again (usually sooner rather than later).

Basically we are resolving to break a habit and implementing the changes immediately with no flexibility or forgiveness.  In other words, we are setting these unrealistic goals to make drastic changes starting on January 1st.  When January 1st comes along we don't magically become a new person that no longer has the bad habits you resolve to ditch.  We have to work at it, making progress by avoiding temptation and staying the course until we've accomplished the mission.

We don't suddenly develop the discipline needed to kick our bad habits overnight. If we did, then we'd have already done it.  We are setting ourselves up to fail year after year!  Then when we eventually give up on our resolutions, we send ourselves on a huge guilt trip.  

Wouldn't you rather go on a vacation?  Any trip with guilt is not a fun one!

🙈🙉🙊 

A brillant man once said that the definition of insanity was doing the same things over and over but expecting a different result.  So why do we continue to make and break resolutions in a never ending cycle of self inflicted torture?

My New Year's Resolution for 2019 is
No more resolutions!

🚀Instead, I will set goals with realistic milestones and gradual changes in order to succeed in real self improvement!  This way I won't be beating myself up because I've skipped a day of being vigilant.  

I  will conquer a bad habit's hold on me by taking bite-sized pieces, instead of trying to swallow it whole. 


So have a Happy New Year and Go be awesome!

Wednesday, August 29, 2018

Get to know yourself

Up until a few years ago, I believed that I had been discovering myself.  Since the age of twenty one, when I had almost died alone in a hospital room at Virginia Mason, I should have died. Figured fate had only been delayed slightly.  My mission was finding myself, learning to understand who I am and who I want to be if given the chance to live.  All along I thought I knew who I was and where I was going, in life.  In reality I was seeking approval from others instead of listening to myself.

I was just gathering other's input on who they thought I was, how I should be and who I should become.  These people I was seeking insight from didn't really know me at all.  I never showed my "true colors" to anyone.  And even if I had opened myself up, who were they to judge and decide what made me who I am?  Most of them were random acquaintances who floated into and out of my life without so much as a snap of the finger, barely noticed.  Especially not by my self-absorbed mind, too busy trying on different personas to pay attention to players exiting stage right.
Truth is no one outside of yourself can determine who you are and no one can tell you who you should be.  Its  not easy to get to know the true you, fear of what you might find will often delay your quest. 

Thursday, August 16, 2018

Does your other half make you a better person?

In a healthy, happy committed relationship each partner should make the other a better person. 
They should support each other emotionally, communicate and work through problems together, make big decisions after talking them out, share talents and resources to accomplish goals. 

They should Inspire each other.  Encourage the other to chase their dreams.  They should share their experience, knowledge, passions, strengths with the other. They should value each other's opinions, ideas and suggestions and feed off of each other's energy and excitement.  One partner's accomplishments should be celebrated by the other and they should almost be seen a joint achievement because as a team, both put in effort and both benefit.

Personalities should complement each other.  Most successful couples are similar in some ways but mostly have different talents and abilities.  For example, one is more outgoing and charming and the other is introverted but can sense things about people that no one else picks up on. 

There shouldn't be a score kept of who is better at what because it should never be a competition but a co-operation.  Strive to be a better you than you were yesterday, which will make you both a better couple tomorrow.

"Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind, the race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself." -Baz luhrmann Lyrics from Sunscreen.

Friday, June 29, 2018

Something Inside Us...

“Sometimes we have the absolute certainty there's something inside us that's so hideous and monstrous that if we ever search it out we won't be able to stand looking at it. But it's when we're willing to come face to face with that demon that we face the angel.”  - Hubert Selby Jr.

Tuesday, January 16, 2018

Malibu has a boo boo? No just thirsty! (Auto Shop Story)

This is a story that I recently shared on Reddit and it got such a huge response that I thought I'd share it here too!

Malibu towed into the shop with "fuel pump failure" aka no start.  Turns out it had actually run out of gas.  Fuel pumps can't pump if there is no gas!  Customer demanded that we replace a perfectly good fuel pump anyways...
(Not Customer's Actual Car)

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Thank you Mom! (A poem by MalibuNinja)

My son & I

Thank you Mom 
For teaching me right from wrong,
And feeding me so I could grow strong.
For reading to me despite your yawns,
And singing to me your favorite songs.
For patching me up when I'd scrape along,
And making me feel like I belong.
Thank you Mom
For building me up when I feel small,
And picking me up when I fall.
For guiding me since I could crawl,
And inspiring me when I hit a wall.
For loving me even if I'm a goofball,
And answering me whenever I call. 
Most of all thanks for being my friend.
My Grandmother (AKA GG) & my son
My mother (AKA Lala) & my son
My foster mom,  Cindy & my son

Happy Mother's Day!

Friday, January 27, 2017

A drawing a day (delayed) Day 3

Of course, as soon as I commit to posting a drawing a day on my blog the wifi goes out and my drawing tablet is wifi-only. And the data plan on my cell phone doesn't allow the use of wifi hotspots so I couldn't connect that way either.

So it's a bit delayed but here is day 3 of a drawing a day keeps the crazy away.



Monday, January 16, 2017

A drawing a day keeps the crazy away, day 2

"My Human Mirror" Lyrics Originally posted September 2013

Have you ever met someone (not related to you) that is so similar to you that it scares you? Someone who shares the same personality, habits, mannerisms? If this happens what do you call that person?  How about your human mirror?

I met my human mirror about two years ago. My feelings are still mixed about this man, kind of a love/hate relationship.  Some days we could spend all day having a great time together and other days we couldn't stand each other. This is a song I wrote about that experience.

Lyrics by Stacy M Price AKA Malibu Ninja


WHEN I LOOK AT YOU, I SEE ME 
SCARY TO SEE YOURSELF
REFLECTED IN SOMEONE ELSE
WE ARE THE SAME, IN SO MANY WAYS
KNOWING YOU IS... KNOWING ME
BLIND IF YOU DON’T SEE
YOU ARE ME TO A "T"

~~Chorus~~
I SEE IN YOU THE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT ME
YOU WILL ALWAYS STAND OUT IN A CROWD 
EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS LOUD AND PROUD 
EVEN WHEN YOU ATTEMPT YOU CANNOT BLEND 
CAST A SHADOW ON ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS 
I SEE IN YOU THE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT ME 
TO BE SURER, I GET NEARER 
YOU ARE MY HUMAN MIRROR 
AT FIRST, THRILLING TO DISCOVER 

~~
OUR SIMILARITIES ARE CEASELESS
WORKED TO FIX OUR BROKEN PIECES
LEARNED WHO I AM EVALUATING YOU 
NOW ENLIGHTENED, TO SELF BE TRUE 
NOW BETTER PEOPLE, BRAND NEW 

YOU CAN INFUSE A RAINY DAY WITH SUNSHINE 
BUT I KNOW THE DARKNESS YOU HIDE INSIDE 
YOU AND ME ARE ALWAYS APOLOGIZING 
DONE NOTHING BUT GUILT IS RISING 
IF A SOULS IN NEED OF A KIND DEED 
WE GIVE THEM IT ALL UNTIL WE BLEED 
SHOULD LEARN BUT NEVER TAKE HEED, 
TOO NICE WE FALL VICTIM TO DECEPTION

~~Chorus~~
I SEE IN YOU THE THINGS I HATE ABOUT ME 
YOU DO WHATEVER WITHOUT QUESTION 
JUST EXPECTING EVERY ONE'S INGESTION 
MOST SWALLOW IT HOOK, LINE AND SINKER 
ALL WRAPPED UP ON YOUR LITTLE FINGER 
I SEE IN YOU THE THINGS I HATE ABOUT ME 
SELF-REFLECTION, WORSE THAN HORROR 
YOU ARE MY HUMAN MIRROR 
AT LAST, A NIGHTMARE TO BEHOLD

~~ 
GO AHEAD TRY TO CONCEAL YOUR TRUE SELF
HIDE YOURSELF FROM EVERYONE ELSE 
STILL CAN'T HIDE FROM YOUR MIRROR
IT WILL ALWAYS REFLECT YOU BACK
TRY AS YOU MIGHT YOU CAN'T FOOL YOURSELF

LET THEM SAY YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH 
DON’T BELIEVE IT, THEY CAN'T MEASURE UP
WHEN YOUR GAME OF CHARADES IS DONE
SEEK ME OUT, I WILL FORGIVE YOUR ERRORS
ABOVE ALL ELSE, I'LL LET YOU BE YOURSELF

MY HUMAN MIRROR, ISN'T IT ALL CLEARER
EVERY MIRROR, EVERY WINDOW OR PUDDLE 
EVERY REFLECTION IT'S ME YOU SEE
I WILL REMIND YOU WITHOUT ANY TROUBLE
IT'S ME WHO KNOWS YOU LIKE NO ONE OTHER

© 2013 Stacy M Price (AKA MalibuNinja)

Sunday, January 15, 2017

A drawing a day keeps the crazy away... Day 1

I finally fixed my "awesome art" tablet that has been broken for almost two years!  It's a Samsung Galaxy Note 10.1 (the older model that was released in 2012) and it is the most accurate and realistic way I've found to digitally draw or paint.   I felt like I'd list my right arm when it went through a software update and would no longer boot up.   So long story short, to celebrate having my creative outlet back I've decided to draw at least one digital masterpiece a day and post it here on my blog!  I'm calling it "A drawing a day keeps the crazy away" and here is my first drawing.
This was drawn using a Manga illustration app I just discovered that's called Medi bang.  It's a great app so far, has tons of features and best of all, it's free! I'm still learning how to operate it properly as it is a little complicated but so far,  it's awesome.

Saturday, January 7, 2017

The Last Lot Standing… post from 2013

My son and I currently live with my grandparents in the home I spent most of my childhood in. It is quite strange to be raising my son in the same house that I was raised in. The house is pretty much the same as it was when I was a kid but the neighborhood has changed so much.


Sometimes I find myself reminiscing about the carefree days of my childhood spent here.   Back when I was growing up here, our house was one of only a handful on the block.  There were Quail running all over the neighborhood, chattering in their unique Quail way.  Deer were around but mostly you saw them near wooded areas like in the park down the street. 
Kids were allowed to run in the empty lots, play with other neighbor kids (to which there were many) and visit with the older neighbors.  My favorite neighbors were a retired couple across the street; we would play cards sitting in their kitchen nook while eating goldfish crackers and sometimes they would take me golfing and then out for ice cream afterwards.  There wasn't a need for a lot of parental supervision because there was little threat of danger.


If you saw anyone out walking their dog or just going for a stroll you always knew them personally, there were no strangers in this neighborhood.  They would wave and say hi, most times stopping for a quick chat before resuming their walk. 


Now, the area is flooded with people and houses are everywhere.  It's still a very nice place to live with beautiful views and nice people but it isn't the nice close-knit neighborhood it was then. Many people have dogs and love to walk them now.  We have made friends with many neighbors but more often than not we don’t know the people walking in the area.


English: Baby Zoey soaks up some rays from her...My son LOVES dogs and he asks every person that walks by our house if he can pet their dog.  To him a stranger is a new best friend he just hasn't met yet.  So I keep a close eye on him when he is outside and we have strict guidelines about where he can go and who he can talk to.  It sucks that times have changed so much that we have to keep our kids within arm’s reach in case a psycho kidnapper tries to take them.

Now, There are only a handful of empty lots left in the area. If you go to the beach down the street and look up the hill you can spot the few empty lots very easily, each sticks out like a sore thumb. One of those lots is right next door to us.


The lot next door has been a favorite place to play for over 30 years.  I played there as a child, my sister, my cousins and now my son plays there.  Him and I fly his kite in the lot next door and he plays fetch with the neighbor's dog there. Jamison calls it his field, he sees it as his personal playground.

That lot, the last lot in our neighborhood, was sold a couple of months ago despite never being listed for sale.


I met the woman who purchased it, She seemed very nice.  Her and her husband are from Maine, they moved to Washington a year prior.   Apparently they took a lot of time building a relationship with the owners of the lot in order to eventually purchase it.  Her husband and her are both therapists and they have a private practice located by the marina down the hill from the lot.  They also work with cancer patients at the local hospital. She assured me that they are nice people, good neighbors and that they will make every effort possible to make sure the building of their home easy on my grandparents.  They plan to start building in about a year.


My son and I are going to mourn the loss of that field, I call it "the last lot standing".  It will be a lot worse for my grandparents., I am sure.  They built this home 35 years ago and have slowly watched their gorgeous breathtaking view get covered by new homes going up all around them. My whole life I have looked out of my grandparent’s windows across that empty lot to the south at the spectacular view.  I remember losing the ability to see the actual beach when the house just beyond the last lot standing, was built.  


Well I guess in life there is only one thing that is always consistent and that is that everything will continue to change....  I think it's good to remember the old days but to know that everything happens for a reason.  Things have changed but there is a purpose in what seems random.  We have to find the meaning and go with the flow.


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Sunday, January 1, 2017

It's a Geek Girl Revolution!!!! GEEKS R CHIC!! Especially the female variety!!!




Recently it has become trendy to be a “Geek Girl”. I discovered this while I was reading some articles online. I came across an article about this "Geek Girl" movement. I learned that geeky chicks (intelligent, gaming and/or technology oriented women) are awesome! I mean, I already knew that, but it seems the rest of the world is catching on to this fact.

Maybe your geekery is something you have attempted to conceal in the past? Well, no need to hide it now. Let your freak flag fly for all to see!

So, HEY LADIES(Those of you who are nerdy, smart, goofy and are into sci-fi, comics, gaming and/or technology)!!!! TAKE NOTE:

FACT 1:     You are a nerd/dork/geek…
FACT 2:     It’s now cool to be a nerd/dork/geek!
Fact 1 + Fact 2= Your a cool ass chick!

Welcome to the “in” crowd! You are now a member of the CHIC ÜBER GEEK Crew!!!! (I MADE THAT UP, JUST NOW)

Okay so now that the celebration is out the way… I have one major issue with this whole Geek Girl Revolution and that is:
 (DRUMROLL PLEASE……)

I despise, reject and ABSOLUTELY avoid all things trendy and aspire TO BE the complete opposite of TRENDY!

The world is full of followers it’s like no one can think for themselves. All these brainless drones just DO WHATEVER THEY ARE TOLD OR WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING! Like a giant herd of sheep!!!

I refuse to be ordinary, only extraordinary!


So I am torn between avoiding trends and being who I am. I am totally and Utterly a geek girl but now that is trendy. Am I or Aren’t I, that is the Question! Also by choosing to be the opposite of trendy I have started a (or built upon an existing) trend… ??????

I ignore fashion trends, don’t watch television. Most of the time I am in the dark when it comes to what is “in” right now. I wear what I like and/or what looks good on me and is appropriate to the situation. I don’t buy a certain brand of jeans because others think it’s cool, I buy jeans if they make my butt look good and they are reasonably priced.

I wear lime green and bright blue eyeliner, even though I've been told that it is a no-no, especially for a woman my age. I adore crazy hats, my favorite being a giant frog head knit hat with a glitter encrusted tongue sticking out (See picture). I wear offensive t-shirts whenever I want, my favorite being a tee shirt with “Frock You” emblazoned across it, to which I added some sparkles (Frock is a dress shop in Seattle that Johnie & I visited after I aced my mortgage licensing exams).

Sometimes I can offend people without even opening my mouth just because of what I wear or how I look.

I don't EVER wear anything because it’s what everyone else is wearing!!! I don’t pick up new hobbies because it’s what others do or what they think I should do. Don’t get me wrong, I am open to new products, experiences and hobbies. If someone shows me something I like, I am not opposed to adopting it into my arsenal of favorites. I will however only do this because I like it not because it’s what is socially acceptable or expected of me. If something is expected of me I usually tend to do the opposite.. Even as a child I would choose the road less traveled.


I don't care what most people think of me! It's the most freeing feeling when you can just let go and be yourself. Now, I care about what my loved ones think of me but they are also more willing to accept me as who I am.

The majority of humans that I come into contact with judge me based on ignorant surface observations. Some common assumptions: I am skinny so I must not eat, I am blonde so I must be dumb, I have tattoos so I must be a criminal! The truth is that I can put away quite a bit of food (especially cookies!), anyone who knows me will tell you that I am very intelligent and I have a clean criminal history, not a spot on my record!!!

These assumptions sound pretty absurd but it’s a knee jerk reaction for most to judge others based on so little. No one takes the time to learn anything concrete about who you are inside before passing judgment on you. That is exactly why I don't value other's opinion of me.

I actually get a kick out of people’s reactions to me. With my freak flag flying proudly people either duck and cover or they come out of the woodwork to talk to me. People either love me or hate me, they are either entertained and fascinated or completely disgusted by who I am. One thing I can say is that: I am always me, nothing more and nothing less.

I hope this whole Geek Girl trend does not create a bunch of fake she-nerds! I can just see a horde of insecure chicks rushing out to by glasses, gaming systems and computer equipment to imitate us. Might be good for the economy but bad for true geek girls.

I guess if they do try out the geek style, maybe some of them will actually find themselves buried under all the trendy bullshit. Once the avalanche is cleared away they may realize they have been a girly geek all along and just covered it up. Either that or all these “wannabe” geeks will totally ruin the name “geek girl” for the rest of us that are true to our geekery and always have been.

I have pretty much considered myself a geek for as long as I can remember but for sure I HAVE BEEN ONE from the moment I laid my fingers across my first keyboard, way back in the DOS days… I was probably plenty geeky before then but that would have been my defining "geek girl" moment...

Somehow I instinctively knew how to operate my mother’s computer (when I was probably 7 or 8) without any prior knowledge except playing Oregon Trail in the school library. I was enthralled with any machine I was able to use and my interest only grew as time went on.

When I was 12 my mother bought me my very own desktop with all the bells and whistles available at the time (She really couldn't afford it but I think she charged it to my ex-step dad’s Sears account, Oops!!!). I even had a feed through style compact scanner! So I of course got online and started messing around with chat rooms and the infancy of social media platforms.

Since then I have taught myself hundreds of programs, built databases from the ground up, built websites, tried my hand at various types of coding, fixed so many computers I couldn’t count them all, given a ton of computing advise and done my fair share of “hacking” this and that.

“Considering it’s "in" to be a geek now, Do I get geek girl seniority???”

I don't want to toot my own horn but I could run circles around most chicks (or dudes for that matter) when it comes to computers in most any capacity (software, html, coding, hardware, repair, diagnosis, etc.) See the photo above… I think this proves how much of a nerd I am… I have pretty much every file I have ever worked with or created on any of my personal computers since about 2000… Of course it’s all archived but available if I needed to access something.

In my research on the “Geek Girl” topic I came across a lot of “Fake Geek Girls” or mention of impersonations. That led me to thinking about why people pretend to be something or someone they are not, why just being themselves isn't good enough.

It’s strange how so many people (online) try to distinguish themselves from the masses. Some just exaggerate themselves to appear cool(er). Others create elaborate alter egos or even worse, they take on the identity of someone they wish they were more like. All because they don’t love themselves as they are.

When out in public in the real world, those same people try to blend in and not be noticed. Shy, self-conscious and meek here in the real world… Weird right??

The anonymity and false sense of security that the internet provides allows people to pretend they are outgoing, social individuals. They must believe that their internet alter ego is completely separate from themselves. That sense of separation must give them guts that they don't have in reality…

Does anyone remember that show “Freaks and Geeks”?

It aired starting in 1999 and the setting was a high school in the mid-west? in the early 80’s. It centered around Lindsay (dark haired girl in the photo) who didn't really fit in so she hung with the “freaks”, her little brother hangs with the “geeks”. The show was genius but for some reason only ran for a season or maybe half of the second season before it was cancelled. I think it should have continued on. It was one of those great shows no one knew about until it was too late!

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment, I would love to hear your thoughts on the Geek Girl subject!